But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
