peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
