goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
