I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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