He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
