I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
