i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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