don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
