Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
