Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
