Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
