You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
