walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
