i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
