shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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