apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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