i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
