What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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