May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
