How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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