In America we eat man semen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
