4 words: hood of his car
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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