his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
