apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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