she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
