Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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