I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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