i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I skipped work to stalk him.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
