if you like me you must not know who I am
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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