i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
