I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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