I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
