He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
