Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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