I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
