If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
