do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
