is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
