i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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