peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
