Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
