meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
