I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
