school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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