Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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