Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Less talking, more tequila
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
