I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
