when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If that was your dad, he is hot
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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