Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
