i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
