so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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