i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
