How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
