Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
